online dating letter #37

She mentioned that she could make Cherpumple. For those of you not in the know Cherpumple is a cherry pie baked inside a white cake, a pumpkin pie baked inside a yellow cake and an apple pie baked inside a spice cake. This is how I want to die. 

Hi,

Do you really make Cherpumple? I was under the impression that this gastronomic wonderment was a myth, like Australia (there’s really a country located at the bottom of the world that was founded by criminals. I call bullshit on that one.).

Cherpumple is a fun word. Say it. Cherpumple. I would like a slice, or entire pie, delivered to me asap (hold the sap) in order to prove the following:
– Cherpumple is not the loch ness monster
– You can make said concoction
– You exist
– This message is actually being sent and not some hallucination

Good day,
Anthony

She wrote back that she has her own version of the Cherpumple. Her version is a bastard that does not contain any of the three original pie flavors. I was turned on. I wrote back.

Hi,

I want to eat your cherpumple. Is that too forward?

She never replied.

 

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