The following are quotes from a profile. Clearly this person likes it rough. She wants to be humiliated and flogged and don’t worry, I didn’t send these responses.

“If I could be any fruit, I would be a kiwi. Ask me why and tell me what you would be & why if you’d like to know more about me!”

I would like to know less about you. But I guess you’d be a kiwi because you spew a lot of CO2 in order to get to a point. And you resemble belly button lint.

“You should message me if You like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain. But seriously, I love pina coladas.”

Thanks for clarifying the serious part of your profile. I’m going to eat a bag of glass.

It’s time like this where I wish the Internet was outlawed.