Where should I take my online date?

Reader Ben writes in:

Hi OK Stupid,

I think your site is very helpful and informative. Using your advice I wrote a woman a message and now we have a date. Gulp. Where do I take an online date?


This is a common question for those new to the online dating scene. Typical first dates are at coffee shops or bars. We suggest going a different route and having your first online date in the middle of an open field. Preferably one surrounded by trees.

Arrive at your date location at least an hour in advance, but do not enter the field. Stay hidden in the trees and bring a set of high powered binoculars.

Online dating is cesspool of lies and the first lies are your dates photos. By staking out the area you can watch the little vixen arrive. Does she look like the cute woman in the photos? Does she have a limp? Is she armed?

You’ll know you found a good match when you don’t spot her in the field but see her perched in a tree across from you with a scope pressed to her eye.

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About Author: anthony

1 thought(s) on “Where should I take my online date?

  • Hey OK Stupid,

    I’m a big fan of your work. Having been round the block a few times – first with John (RIP), Linda (RIP) and then Heather (wish she was RIP), it’s good to find a similarly experienced head on another pair of shoulders. Unless you borrowed mine and I forgot.

    Personally, I’m a big believer in the power of my hit: “I Wanna Hold Your Hand”. Of course, no one in their right mind would give a rendition of that in its original format to serenade a modern lady – which is why I opt to put it through heavy distortion with my 808 pumping out a steady beat whilst I fire out the Japanese language version to the lucky lady in question.

    If things get out of hand later in the relationship, then throw on in a bit of “The Girl Is Mine” to make it clear that you’re prepared to fight for your right. Although maybe try to cut back on the Michael Jackson parts of that track. Unless you’re serenading Macaulay Culkin – then you should cut out all my bits.

    Anyway, there’s one thing I don’t quite get about all this o-bla-dee-o-bla-da here. What’s the internet?

    She loves you, yeah yeah yeah and all that.

    Thumbs up,
    Paul “Macca” Mc aka The Walrus

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