The number wizards and statistician ninjas along with a helpful dose of mind altering substances bring you the below charts.

Many dating sites highlight the success rates of the couples that meet through their services. We believe ’em. Really. Because why would they lie? But I just lied, because one of us doesn’t believe them and their ginned up numbers. So we’ve crunched our made up numbers.

We are skeptical about the respondents that indicating their dates only lasted the length of “one drink”. That drink better have been a scorpion bowl. Even if you know that it won’t work out only the very brave can bail at such an early point. After all there might be sex.

For comparison we charted the average relationship length stemming from a random hookup in a bar.

Since these relationships started in a bar, and not a juice/soy/veggie/let’s all hug-type bar, the “one drink” response was negligible. There were two respondents in the affirmative in that category but scorpion bowl or not I think they’re lying.

Conclusion: If you want a lasting relationship, go get drunk and make out with some stranger at your nearest bar.

note: our researchers were too lazy to add any value to the y axis. Or is it the x axis? Does it matter? We’ll all going to die one day.