November 29, 2011 – 11:12 am
I can’t do it anymore. The silly, sarcastic and absurd experience of online dating has run its course. It was entertaining for a bit, but everyone has the same story. It’s depressing. I don’t like depressing.
The few things I’ve learned from this experiement are:
- New York City is full of women that have not grown out of the high school hobby of chase the bad boy. The problem is that the “bad boys” become unemployable “artists” in their 30′s that can barely hold a coherent sentence.
- Too many women believe the myth that they can get laid any day of the week. That myth was started by desperate, angry frat boys.
- I am not above using fake cell phone calls to get out of awkward situations. It’s pathetic. It’s even more pathetic that it seemingly works.
- I’m attracted to women that look like me. I’ve spent my whole life trying to fuck myself.
Good night,
The management.
November 21, 2011 – 4:52 pm
She wants to travel, doesn’t take her self too seriously, blah, blah, blah
Hi,
I’m serious about not taking myself seriously. And I don’t like adverbs.
Investing in travel is a smart plan. One year I spent close to two solid weeks on a plane. Couldn’t believe it took the cleaning staff that long to find me. I warned them that I was really good at hide and seek.
See? That wasn’t serious. The serious part starts in three, two, … I have traveled extensively, but there is much more to see. What’s the next place you want to explore?
Cheers,
Anthony
She wrote back.
Hello. I am not wearing any pants either. It’s a dress, but not pants. How was your day?
Was she flirting? Oh, I mention on my profile that at the time of writing it I was sans pants.
November 18, 2011 – 10:06 am
She doesn’t want to date a man that screams like a girl.
Hi,
Screaming like a girl is fine. I came close to ramming a gator in the eye with a kayak. I screamed like a girl. Well, if that girl had a silent scream that resembled panic breaths. The gator hadn’t spotted me yet so need to let him know that his lunch was ready.
The Internet doesn’t give us much of a chance but I don’t believe anything on it.
Cheers,
Anthony
I wish I had more opportunities to scream like a girl.
November 16, 2011 – 10:44 am
She mentioned that she showers naked.
Hi,
I used to shower naked, but I hate doing laundry. Tide is a great detergent but a shitty shampoo.
Do you know your way around a kitchen or are you looking for a chef?
Cheers,
Anthony
Wash. Rinse. She never replied.
November 10, 2011 – 5:49 am
There is a deep obsession among a large percentage of women that insist that their potential suitors have a grasp of 3rd grade grammar. A least 83% of the profiles we’ve surveyed contain something similar to:
Must know the difference between your and you’re.
The staff at OK Stupid know the difference. The difference is that if this is your criteria for a potential date than you’re an asshole.
While it is in nice to see in this era of texting that some people are concerned about holding onto the remnants of the English language it’s also a dickish thing to write. It is particularly dickish because of the 83% of the profiles that contain this request 95% of them:
- lack capitalization
- avoid use of punctuation such as a period.
- disregard spellcheck
- contain photos of cat’s in costume
It’s online dating. Try to keep the assholery to a minimum. Be an asshole in person, not on the Internet.