OK Stupid

She is planning to escape from cubicle land.

Hi,

I can help you escape from cubicle life. There are a number of options and all of them depend on your personal style.

• The juvenile: Do a couple of bong hits at your desk.
• The brazen: Move into someone’s office. When they come back say to them that they must be out of the loop. Out of the loop is corporate death.
• The timid: Give two weeks notice, but first make sure your resume is up to date and posted on every job board possible. Back out at the last minute.
• My technique: Return the keys to your office and when management asks what your plans are you say you plan to go to the zoo. Make sure to go to the zoo. The sea lions are hilarious.

Hope this helps. If not, let me know and I’ll come up with some more ideas while staring at the rhinos.

Cheers,
Anthony

I’m planning to die alone.

She knows that instant chemistry is rare.

Hi,

It is rare to find that instant spark. I partly blame the cookie cutter approach to the dates that come out of this site. Here is what I propose, let’s not meet for drinks at some place where both of us have a direct sight line to the exit. Instead we flip a coin and the winner has to choose some ridiculously lame touristy thing to do such as visit the Empire State Building or get mugged.

I’m joking. I’m not going to visit the Empire State Building. I got mugged there.

Cheers,
Anthony

I don’t know anything.

She’s good at staying calm when all the flights have been canceled.

Hello,

I never understood panic in an airport. Or panic in general. You can’t do anything about it. Unless it’s in your mouth. In Japan I once ate what I am convinced was a cube of salted whale blubber. I didn’t order it in a moment of culinary daring. I ordered in a state of culinary confusion. This restaurant was not a TGICrap hole. On second thought it might not have been a restaurant at all. Here, let’s give the gringo some salted whale blubber. That’ll make him leave.

Even with something dreadful filling up my word hole I didn’t panic. I was too scared to panic.

In conclusion… I don’t know the point to this.

Hello.

Cheers,
Anthony

$20 says she cancels her account after reading this.

She contacted me. I didn’t even browse her profile.

HA – enjoyed your profile. Well done sir.

I had to write back. From her photos she seemed normal.
She had a photo of hiking the Inca trail.

Glad you liked it. I hired the stepson of Kurt Vonnegut’s dentists gardner to write it. When he failed at it I decided to do it myself.

I was going to hike the Inca trail but there’s a bus.

What’s wrong with me?

She travels extensively.

Hi,

I’m a big fan of extensive travel. This past week I went to the supermarket, and the library. One time I went to Tonga but the library is much closer.

I tend to take online dating very seriously.

Cheers,
Anthony

I’m not helping.